Snowpocalypse Now

Britain, Britain, Britain: Home of Churchill, Nelson, the Industrial Revolution, the winning team of the 1966 World Cup. Take a look on the back of a pound coin and what do you see? That’s right, a lion, rearing up to rend his enemies asunder.

(And also a unicorn, which is basically just a pointy horse. I don’t know what to do with that.)

And yet there’s something about our national character that falls apart when it snows. I mean, it’s not like we’re in the middle of the Sahara, where a few inches of snow would probably be an End Of The World portent. We’re a damp wet island where it snows once a year. There’s no excuse for this mass hysteria.

Okay, I’m aware this is a grumpy old man rant, but with good reason – I’ve just driven 40 miles through Snowmageddon and the weather wasn’t a problem. The real problem? Other people.

I mean, it’s wet, it’s dusk, but some drivers still seem to think that headlights give you hemorrhoids. Still, at least they compensate by driving up your exhaust pipe. You can’t help but see them when they obviously want to get intimate with the stuff in your boot. Letting the concept of stopping distances enter their lives would be nice.

And then there’s the guy who starting hitting his horn because, shock horror, I gave way to someone on my right at a roundabout. I appreciate I might have been able to sneak in, traversing a wet, snowy road as I did so; I’m also aware that there are things called ‘multi-car pile-ups’, which are very bad and take up the valuable time of the emergency services.

And don’t get me started on pedestrians. Especially the one wearing a big woolly hat and a tracksuit. This is the reason the UK is number one in Europe for people getting frozen alive in freak glaciers and defrosted in the future.

But I’m home safe and the central heating is on and no-one’s going to put me in hospital now.

Unless they drive into my living room whilst tailgating my house…

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6 thoughts on “Snowpocalypse Now

  1. Howlin' Mad Heather

    It could be worse; you could be dealing with snow in the American South, where everyone buys up all the bread and milk at the first whisper of snow. (And if the Brits hate snow so much, why does it always feature prominently in British period pieces?)

    Reply
    1. matthewhyde Post author

      That’s the thing – the minute it started snowing on Saturday, queues magically appeared at the petrol station. It’s madness; And that madness has only started in the last few years – we got through one of the worst winters in history during World War II. The world has gone utterly mad…

      Reply
  2. char

    I love snow…but absolutely abhor driving in it. Let me ski in it or make a snowman or just sit inside and look at it piling up all pretty on the trees and fences…but you’re right, people go crazy when they drive in it. Nightmare!

    Reply
    1. matthewhyde Post author

      Yep, a couple of flakes of snow and it’s like everyone forgets what to do with a car! And I’m speaking as someone who would never describe himself as a particularly good driver…

      Reply

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