Perceptive?! You spent the whole film thinking Banshee was played by Ron Weasley!
He was. The actor must’ve changed his name or something.
So, what did you think?
I really enjoyed it. When it comes to comics my team is DC but they’re messing with my head at the moment, and besides, Marvel have been far more successful at getting their characters on screen.
What’s it about?
The fracturing of friendships, the development of a ‘species’ consciousness for mutants, Nazi war crimes, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the mistreatment of ‘outsiders’ and righteous vengeance.
That sounds heavy. Is it black and white and in French?
No, but talking of French, there’s a new Orange Wednesday advert…
The film can’t be that serious, surely?
Well no. It’s a sixties Bond film with superheroes.
That’s more like it!
Darn skippy! And Kevin Bacon is great as the bad guy, like a smooth and evil Austin Powers. I was in the same room as Kevin once, you know.
Yeah. It was Madison Square Garden and we were both at a New York Knicks game. He had better seats than me.
I should say that James McEvoy and Michael Fassbender are great as the young Professor X and Magneto. Fassbender in particular starts to win you round to his character’s anti-human agenda, even though he’s borderline crazy. Of course, that’s backed up by the fact that there’re only two nice non-mutants in the whole film.
Is one of them Stan Lee?
Stan’s not in it!
What?! He’s in all Marvel films!
I know! It was disappointing we didn’t get to play the Stan Lee Game. We guess how long it will be before Stan appears. It’s got to be a habit, I keep expecting hom to show up in Titanic or Hamlet or something.
So there are no cameos?
I’m saying nothing.
So, what’s the coolest moment?
Anything involving Magneto vs Nazis. Although having said that, I’m not sure if it doesn’t fall into the Indiana Jones trap of providing us with cartoon bad guys. It sits uncomfortably against the reality of the death camps.
Wait, did you just make a serious point?
It gives Magneto a fairly logical motivation though, and explains how he goes from being a sympathetic figure to becoming a terrorist in the space of a film. If you fight monsters you may become one yourself.
Hmm… Finally, any good trailers?
Well, there was one for Conan the Barbarian, but he’s played by Jason Momoa, who was Ronan in Stargate: Atlantis, so I can’t think of the film as anything other than From Ronan to Conan.
The marketing people must love you.
I give X-Men: First Class four Kirbys out of five.
Don’t give up the day job.