Stroppy Comic Book Reviews – 30 January 2010

Maybe it’s because it’s winter, cold and damp and dark. Maybe it’s because 2010 is turning into a long year and we’re still only in January. Maybe it’s because I’m reading The Writer’s Tale: The Final Chapter and Russell and Ben are making me look more closely at this sort of thing. Whatever it is, I’m calling down the thunder on some stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a comic nerd, but, y’know, sometimes you just need to vent…

Supergirl #49
Well, we COULD have done a powerful, emotional storyline that powerfully impacts the characters and says something heartfelt and true about loss, and illness, and mourning, and what we do when we come to the limits of our powers… Or we could just undermine all that with a twist that’s just going to bring back a concept from 1965. That’s just SUPER! I wouldn’t care if the books were actually aimed at kids, but it’s obvious from the use of blood that they’re not, so here we are again in comic book world, not doing something that might actually mean something, but instead stealing our own lunch money. And we keep lapping it up. Sometimes I think I should just stick my own hand in a blender, it’d be cheaper and there’d be less gore.

Also, Supergirl seems to have forgotten that Superman exists.

Superman #696
Look at that. Issue 696. That’s good going. Especially as I feel like this particular story-arc has been going for more than 696 issues. Characters run around, stuff gets blowed up, the plot advances like the Italian army… I swear, we’ve been through shorter ice ages than this.

Also, you’d really think that the characters would remember that Superman exists and may just be interested in what’s going on. Or maybe he’s busy over in Smallville, still failing to fly at the age of 47.

World’s Finest #4
In which the characters in the Superman line of books remember that Superman actually exists. It’s about time. Is he recalled to Earth to look after his mother in her time of loss (taking over that role from his pet dog), to be reunited with his adopted son who was MIA, to help his best friend through a terminal illness, to find out what happened to one of his best friends who disappeared, to track down the person who put another of his best friends in a coma, or to help his wife through the death of her sister and the return of the father she thought was dead?

No. He needs to stop a giant robot.


Justice Society of America #35
Love the characters. Love, love, love the characters. Which is why it’s so upsetting and distracting when their dialogue spontaneously makes your ears bleed.

The Flash: Blackest Night #2
JSA: Blackest Night #2

Well, I’ve been converted. Truly, I renounce my heresy. Lo, I once believed that Blackest Night was a DC Universe storyline that started sometime during the Paleolithic Era and consisted of its core title, the Green Lantern books, and crossovers with most other DC titles. Heck, maybe even every other piece of literature ever written. I particularly enjoyed Sense and Sensibility: Blackest Night, CSI: Blackest Night, and The Confessions of St. Augustine: Blackest Night. But, brothers, sisters, I was WRONG. Everyone kept telling me this was the greatest comicbook storyline ever written until finally I saw the LIGHT!!! At first I wasn’t convinced by the idea of zombies tearing out people’s hearts, because I was blind to it’s originality and the heartfelt character moments that arise from seeing the heroes have to confront the corrupted, reanimated corpses of their loved ones. Fortunately, there have now been approximately 7459 of these heartfelt moments, and I’m convinced.

Oh, you may doubt, brothers and sisters. You may scoff. But I held an issue of Blackest Night against my wrist and the next day my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome was GONE. I pity those who aren’t reading this epic. The Captain of the Titanic never read Blackest Night, look what happened there. The guy who piloted the Hidenburg was going to pick up his copy from his local comic shop, but he didn’t – things ended badly. I firmly believe that, if only scientists weren’t so rigid and blinkered, we would find a solution to anthropogenic global warming in the pages of Blackest Night.

You know who’d want to ban Blackest Night? Hitler, that’s who!


I may need a new hobby.


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