Frequently Asked Questions About Laptop Repairs

Q. Hi Matt, how’s the computer?

A. Are you taking the proverbial?

Q. What, haven’t they fixed it yet?

A. Hahahahhahahahahahaha.

Q. How long’s it been?

A. A million years.

Q. No, seriously, how long?

A. Best part of three weeks.

Q. Could be worse though, couldn’t it?

A. Not much. After all, it’s been fixed twice.

Q. Twice?

A. Yeah, first time it got repaired, came back and stopped working after two hours. It’s now had two new CPU’s and two new Motherboards. Most computers only need one of each.

Q. Oh.

A. So then it went back so they could repair the repair, and it was returned today.

Q. So that’s good, right?

A. No.

Q. Why not?

A. It was returned to the wrong address.

Q. What?! Where is it now?

A. Krypton.

Q. That’s just silly.

A. Yeah, Krypton exploded, it can’t really be there.

Q. So what happens now?

A. Well, it either gets returned to work on Monday, returned to my house tomorrow (and subsequently taken away because I’m not in), or ends up on Mars. I know what my money’s on.

Q. Don’t you KNOW?

A. No. Because customer service in this country is legendary. Much like Bigfoot.

Q. So how are you writing this?

A. Work lunch breaks and a clunky old computer that, bless it, allows me to post, run and make sure no-one’s done anything stupid on Facebook. Just don’t ask it to do more than one thing at once – it struggles with Web 2.0, as it was a Web 1.0 world when I originally bought it.

Q. How did the scrambled eggs in tortilla wraps go?

A. My house now smells of onions.

Q. You’re not a happy bunny are you?

A. No. I am, in fact, a RAGE BUNNY!

Q. Who’s responsible for this litany of disaster?

A. I’m not saying, at least not until I get my computer back.

Q. Coward.

A. I don’t care, I want my computer back.

Q. Hmmm. You know who we need to put on this computer repair thing?

A. Batman?

Q. Darn tootin’.

A. You think everything’s better with Batman.

Q. Hh.

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