The Hero’s Quest

I am the MAN.

Why am I the man, I hear you ask?

Well, okay, you don’t care why I’m the man, but this is my blog, I’m going to tell you anyway. Today, I got Krispy Kreame donuts for the office.

In America, that wouldn’t be a big deal. America is a glorious land of plenty and opportunity, and it probably has a Krispy Kreame shop on every corner. However, this isn’t the case in Britain, where our access to Krispy Kreames is limited, much as it would be under communism.

Anyway, I’m in Birmingham for business purposes, and it’s been made quite clear that, if I return without donuts, I’m getting tied to a chair and pushed out of a window. So the meeting ends, and I make my way to the Bull Ring.

For those of you unfamiliar with Birmingham, the Bull Ring is its central shopping mall, and, like all shopping malls, it’s designed for girls. I know this sounds sexist and unfeminist of me but I don’t care, it’s for girls. There are big shops with lots of mirrors and orange women and goodness knows what else, and I can never find Borders, which (along with aforementioned donuts) is normally my only reason for going there. I steel myself, like a man (not sure exactly what steeling yourself entails, but I’m sure I did it). I headed for Debenhams.

Now, Debenhams is typical of the place – mirrors, orange, too many escalators. I’m there, wandering around the store, nearly bumping into perfume counters and randomly going up and down escalators, and I can’t find Krispy Kreame. Obviously they’ve moved it! AND I NEED TO FIND IT!

So I continue to look round Debenhams, and the Krisp is still elusive. I’m getting really freaked out. And THEN I accidentally wander into the lingere section (much like in that episode of Father Ted). It’s then that I realise why I’m wandering around Debenhams unable to find the Krispy Kreame shop.

It’s because the Krispy Kreame shop is actually in Selfridges.

I would like to point out to anyone I work with, this farcical attempt to bring joy to my office didn’t exceed my allocated 45 minute lunch break.

And the donuts were good.

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4 thoughts on “The Hero’s Quest

  1. drsedgley

    I laughed hard at this line – “our access to Krispy Kreames is limited, much as it would be under communism” – genius.
    On reading the rest, I realised two geek-like things.
    1. How much I would give to play “Heroquest” on my old Amstrad CPC464 right now.
    2. How much of that particular Father Ted episode I can quote, nay, enact.

    Reply
    1. matthewhyde Post author

      Yeah, I was proud of that line (Dave Barry influenced, I think); so much so that it was actually funnier than the overall punchline of the whole thing…!

      Reply

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