Bad day to go to Liechtenstein…

In a move that completely failed to rock the international community, Switzerland has invaded Liechtenstein. There were concerns that this might upset the traditional Swiss position of neutrality, but it’s okay, the invasion was an accident.

“It was all so dark,” said one soldier.

There were also concerns that this might echo the last time a similar thing happened, when Switzerland had to pay compensation for accidentally setting fire to a forest, but it was alright thanks to Liechtenstein not realising it had been invaded until the Swiss told them. This isn’t the best story involving the military prowess of Liechtenstein, however; that honour belongs to the moment in 1866 when its army was sent to fight in the Anglo-Prussian war. They didn’t see much action and suffered no casualties, but instead recruited an Austrian guy on the way home. They therefore became one of the few armies to grow BIGGER as a result of going to war.

It’s a pity those guys weren’t in charge of the whole Iraq thing.

Meanwhile, I’ve uncovered some historical evidence that links a major TV figure to the Bible. Yes, in a move that radically changes everything I know about obscure Old Testament figures this week, I had stumbled across the following quote from 2 Samuel 23:20-21:

Benaiah son of Jehoiada was a valiant fighter from Kabzeel, who performed great exploits. He struck down two of Moab’s best men. He also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed a lion. And he struck down a huge Egyptian. Although the Egyptian had a spear in his hand, Benaiah went against him with a club. He snatched the spear from the Egyptian’s hand and killed him with his own spear.”

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the earliest known descendant of Jack Bauer.

(Yes, I admit it, I like obscure Bible stories that I’ve never come across before. Had to share this one…)


3 thoughts on “Bad day to go to Liechtenstein…

  1. drsedgley

    “…it was alright thanks to Liechtenstein not realising it had been invaded until the Swiss told them…”
    You’d have thought they’d have kept it under their hats and saved a lot of embarrassment?

  2. drsedgley

    An awkward telephone call.
    Switzerland: Hello, uh, hi, is that Liechtenstein?
    Liechtenstein: Yes, Liechtenstein here, who’s that?
    S: It’s Switzerland, um, yes, Switzerland.
    #Awkward pause#
    L: So… how can we help you?
    S: Well, it’s just… just wanted to check how you are. Yes, er, how is everything?
    L: How is everything?
    S: Yes, is it OK? Everything? Everything OK?
    #Awkward Pause#
    L: OK, what have you done this time?
    S: (defensively) What do you mean?
    L: Look, if you’ve set fire to our protected forest again…
    S: NO! No, no, n-n-nothing like that. Ha-ha… uhhhh.
    L: If it’s about the noise again, I keep telling you – complain to Radio LUXEMBOURG, not Liechtenstein. We only broadcast shipping news.
    S: Yes, and why IS that? You don’t even have a coastli…
    L: As I recall, you were about to “‘fess up” to something.
    S: Ah yes. Well, as you know, we’re a peaceful folk here in Switzerland. And, well, we haven’t really had much to do, army-wise for quite some time.
    L: So?
    S: So, well, we thought it was time we sent some of the lads out for a bit of a walk, so they don’t get too bored. Wake up the old muscles, y’see.
    L: Yes, we see. Why do we need to know this?
    S: Well, again, as you know, because of the lack of wars etc, most of our chaps are… experienced.
    L: You mean old enough to remember not-fighting-any-of-the-major-world-wars.
    S: (Pointedly and through gritted teeth) They. Are. Experienced.
    L: Experienced at needing a trip to the loo halfway through long sentences.
    S: ANYWAY. So we sent ’em out. Put a bit of backbone into them. Captain Le Mesurier was in charge. Very experienced man. And…
    #Awkward pause#
    L: Ye-es?
    S: Well, they, eh-hem, uh…
    L: Ye-es?
    S: They got a bit lost and invaded Bendern.
    L: They what? They WHAT?
    #Awkward pause#
    S: (small voice) Sorry.
    #Awkward pause#
    L: My mother-in-law lives there, you know.
    S: …sorry…
    L: She’ll be REALLY sarcastic and you KNOW what she’s like.
    S: …reallysorry…
    L: Look. Did anyone see them?
    S: NO! No, that’s the thing, we don’t think so. Corporal Owen did pop into the Chemist for his senna but as he wasn’t in uniform…
    L: Wasn’t in uniform?!
    S: Accident with soup. Long story. Anyway, we’re pretty sure we got away with it.
    #Awkward pause#
    S: And it WAS very dark
    #Awkward pause#
    S: And you KNOW Captain Le Mesurier is on the waiting list for his cataracts.
    L: Yes, OK. OK. So, why are you telling me this again?
    S: Well, we thought, you know, you’d want to, uh, know.
    L: But we DIDN’T know and we WOULDN’T have known and now we do.
    #Awkward pause#
    L: So NEXT time you find yourselves geographically embarrassed, just belt up and you won’t look quite so much like a laughing stock, eh?
    #Awkward pause#
    S: (small voice) …sorry…
    L: Yes, well, never mind eh? No harm done, unless M-i-L finds out. Incidentally she says you haven’t been to see her recently?
    S: We-ell, you know how it is, with work and that.
    L: Accidents with soup?
    S: Quite.
    L: Look, I’d better go. BBC on the other line. See you at Christmas?
    S: What? Oh, yes. Thanks for the jumper, by the way.
    L: You’re welcome. TTFN.
    S: Bye! Sorry…


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