The Timmy Mallett History of the 20th Century

For some reason we were talking about Communism at work today (it’s probably because we’re on strike next Tuesday, and we were doing the whole “Power to the workers, Comrade!” thing), and I suddenly realised that all my memories of the pivotal events of the 20th Century involve Timmy Mallett.

Yes, I know. But I think back to the fall of the Berlin Wall, thousands of people celebrating freedom, iconographic event of the 80’s, indicative of the eventual fall of Communism and the end of the Cold War that cast its nuclear shadow over fifty years of human history, and what do I remember? Timmy Mallett on top of the said Wall, smacking it with his trademark pink and yellow foam mallet. I mean, what’s all that about?

I also remember one school holiday, running downstairs to watch Wacaday and its latest installment of the Transformers cartoon, only to find it had been cancelled due to coverage of a plane crash. Lockerbie.

Okay, so I overstate my case. It’s not like I spent hours watching Nelson Mandela’s car driving the long road to freedom, only for him to get out of the car and get hit over the head by Mallett’s Mallet. Yeltsin didn’t wacawave goodbye to public life when he tried to upstage the Millennium celebrations. But all the same. Berlin Wall. Mallett’s Mallet.

It’s also worth pointing out that I have actually been hit by Mallett’s Mallet. He was opening a local toy shop, and we went to get an autograph and get whacked with the mallet. A generation of workmates are in awe of me because of that story. I am a legend. Heck, my Dad got hit by the mallet too, and even him would tell that story whenever Timmy appeared on TV.

So yeah. I’ve been hit by the Mallet, and the 20th Centrury belongs to Timmy. You heard it here first. I think you should all go out and Wacawave at people tomorrow morning…


2 thoughts on “The Timmy Mallett History of the 20th Century

  1. andy_dickens

    yeah well, the wall wouldn’t have gone down without timmy loosening it up for them.
    you got hit by mallets mallet? dude i never knew. i am not worthy.

    1. matthewhyde Post author

      Yep. Arcade Toyshop in Dudley. Highlight of my life.
      Admittedly, that probably says more about my life than the mightiness of Timmy Mallett. But still…


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