Failed my driving test, not happy, want to break stuff, am filling in this questionnaire so I don’t kick the telly.
1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?
Matthew John Hyde
2. WHAT IS YOUR DATE OF BIRTH?
3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR?
4. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE COLOUR?
5. NAME YOUR WORST HAIR DISASTER?
Waking up, trying to figure out who I look like, realising it’s Chewbacca.
6. TEA OR COFFEE?
7. FAVOURITE PAST-TIME?
Geeking out about comics.
8. WORST FASHION DISASTER?
That tuxedo last week, if we’re going for out-of-character stuff.
9. YOU’RE STRANDED ON A DESERT ISLAND – NAME 3 THINGS YOU’D WANT WITH YOU?
A boat, a sailing manual, and a deckchair.
10. WHO WOULD YOU MOST WANT TO BE STRANDED ON THE ISLAND WITH?!
11. CATS OR DOGS?
12. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH MOST?
Laughing at something funny, then laughing at laughing at it, if you see what I mean. See the dart scene from Shaun of the Dead for an example.
13. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY MOST?
I don’t really cry…
14. WHO DO YOU GO TO WHEN YOU WANT ADVICE?
Depends what it’s about – coping with a non-existant lovelife = Andy, spiritual stuff = online friends, everything else = whoever seems appropriate at the time.
15. WHAT’S THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU’VE BEEN GIVEN?
We’re all on a mission from God, the trick is figuring out what it is (if that counts as advice…)
16. NAME 3 THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF?
I’m very slightly claustrophobic
17. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING IN YOUR LIFE PAST OR PRESENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I’d’ve pulled myself together as a teenager sooner.
18. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Be more confident in doing the stuff that needs doing
19. NAME YOUR FIRST BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
20. WHERE DID YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST PROPER KISS (AND BY PROPER WE MEAN A FULL ON SNOG!!!) AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?!
Go away. I mean it.
21. YOUR BEST SNOG EVER WAS WITH?!!
I said, GO AWAY!
22. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?! (BE HONEST!!!!)
Not met the right person.
23. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL?
English and History. Hard to chose one.
24. YOUR BEST HOLIDAY TO DATE WAS WHERE? AND WHO WITH?! AND WHY?!
San Francsico, Andy and Paul, because it was cool. And, unlike New York, I didn’t get the impression at customs that a huge guy called Bubba was going to question me with a rubber glove.
25. YOUR WORST HOLIDAY TO DATE WAS WHERE?! AND WHO WITH?!
The holiday when I got food poisoning or something, and it felt like an army of evil cannibalistic midgets had been sawn into my stomach.
26. YOUR BEST MATE IS?
Andy and Paul. Lost track of a lot of people, I have.
27. MOST EMBARRASING MOMENT?
I have walked into a recycling bin when a model walked into a room. I have also had the entire contents of a paperwork cupboard fall on me.
28. BEST CHAT UP LINE YOU’VE HAD SAID TO YOU?
“I think, after all this time, I can rescind the restraining order.”
29. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT?
Mutual attraction, yeah. Love, probably not.
30. AND FINALLY……….SAY THREE NICE THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS YOU!
Texts me with a running commentary on 24.
Got me into the bizarre greatness of Hollyoaks.
Nearly died trying to get me a date.