So, anyway, we’ve just got digital TV, and as a result we now have roughly 7 million channels, approximately 5 million of which seem to be identical. The major exception to this rule is Toonami, which is great because it shows the Justice League Unlimited cartoon, which is actually better than the comic.

Putting that aside for the moment, we also have about 15 music channels, all of which are currently doing top twenty Christmas song run-downs. This is fine by me, as cheesy Christmas pop songs are as much a part of the season as tinsel, turkey and women running a mile when you so much as glance at a sprig of miseltoe. One of the stations has just done numbers three and four.

Number four was ‘Fairytale of New York’. Possibly the greatest Christmas song since they stopped writing carols.

Number three, and I emphasise NUMBER THREE (3), the song that beat aforementioned Pogues classic, was ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham!

Right, for a start, that exlamation mark at the end of Wham? You know, that bit of punctuation that indicates surprise and excitement and stuff? Totally misplaced in this case. The only time Wham should have an exclamation mark is in the old Batman series. Certainly not in connection with Last flippin’ Christmas.

Second of all, there is no way Last Christmas should beat Fairytale of New York. It’s just wrong on so many levels. It’s not a better song, it’s musical cheese. If the harmonics of the universe are colours, Last Christmas is beige. The very sound of Last Christmas starting up makes me want to pour molten lead into my ears, or maybe become some sort of weird hermit who avoids all forms of music for deep spiritual reasons. Beating Fairytale of New York?! What’s wrong with people?! Anyone who’d rank Last Christmas above Fairytale of New York shouldn’t be producing music television, they should be working on, I dunno, QVC’s Midnight Gardening Special. And don’t get me started on the fact that the Pet Shop Boys originally beat Fairytale in the charts with Always On My Mind. That’s the charts, they’re always coming up with dumb stuff like that. They’re the primary argument against democracy.

On a more positive note, I’ve falled in love with that JCB Song by Nizlopi, althought that may be because the video features both the A-Team van and Optimus Prime, and therefore makes me really happy…



  1. sudge

    Just want to add to your rage on fairytale of new york being beaten by last christmas.
    Fairytale of new york is without doubt the best modern christmas song, and maybe even of all time. Shane McGowan, genius.
    Anything with Optimus Prime is cool


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