I’ve just been told I look like a lollipop man.
This is weird. I wouldn’t say I look like a lollipop man. My Dad was a lollipop man for a while (don’t knock it, it’s good pocket money between early retirement and state pension age), but as far as I know, it’s not a heriditary position. There’s no passing on of the hat and the lollipop.
This leads me to one inevitable, inescapable explanation – I have a doppelganger. I, like Captain Kirk and Superman before me, have an evil twin. Of course, that assumes I’m the good twin, and I did accumulate a 60p library fine last week, but as evil twins have a more extreme agenda than that, like triggering a nuclear holocaust while stroking one of those freaky hairless cats, I figure the Lollipop Man must have arrived here from a parallel dimension.
I bet he’s got a goatee.