Happy Anniversary, Transformers The Movie

Apparently it’s been 26 years since Transformers: The Movie was originally released. This makes me feel very old, but also strangely happy that people are remembering it. Because, frankly, Transformers: The Movie is one of the greatest films ever made.

Okay, I’m biased, of course; I’ve been a Transformers fan since I was a kid. Back in the day you were either into Transformers or GI Joe (Action Force in the UK), and I was definitely the former. Don’t ask me why exactly; I don’t think it was anything more complicated that liking toy cars that turned into robots. Then they brought out dinosaurs that turned into robots!

So I owned Ratchet the ambulance, Bumblebee the Volkswagon Beetle, Metroplex the city complex, and Grimlock the T-rex. And I owned the hottest toy of 1984, Optimus Prime. It’s no wonder I turned out to be a big geek.

A lot of this traces back to the cartoon, which got right what Michael Bay got wrong when he rebooted the franchise a few years ago – it focused on the Transformers and actually bothered to give them personalities; lightly sketched personalities, sure, but enough to make you love the characters: Optimus Prime was the noble leader, Starscream was a screeching schemer, Ironhide was a Texan hothead, the Dinobots were tough-but-dumb. There were human characters in the mix but the Transformers were the main event.

Then, in 1986, came Transformers: The Movie, the first film I went to see without my mom. I probably shouldn’t have, because Transformers: The Movie is traumatic. Let’s not kid ourselves, the cartoon was there to sell toys and, in order to launch a bunch of new toys, well, some of the old characters had to go. The movie saw a bunch of my favourites literally blown to pieces, while Optimus Prime’s crowning moment of awesome is quickly followed by his death. I watched it as a ten-year-old, jaw dropped in horror.

The soundtrack is awesome though.

I guess the Marvel UK Transformers series is also partly responsible for me liking superhero comics; the comics took the concept to new heights, fleshing out the characters and back story and making heroes out of characters who barely featured in the cartoon.

I guess all this is a symptom of my second childhood, and I’m actually okay with that. For all its flaws, the Transformers, in all their iterations, hold a special place in the hearts of a generation. Okay, so maybe that generation is simply made up of nostalgia junkies, but I can live with that.

I guess I feel sorry for kids raised on the Bay movies. I remember going to see  Transformers: Dark of the Moon, 90-minute movie that unfortunately lasts for the best part of three hours, much of which doesn’t involve Transformers. In fact, that’s the problem with the whole Michael Bay live action trilogy – it’s not about the Transformers, it’s about robots that turn into cars occasionally while being bossed around by humans, mainly of whom may be CGI. Behind us in the cinema were a group of kids, and they didn’t hide their enthusiasm – they loved it, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. Dark of the Moon was the best they’re going to get, no Dinobots being awesome, no Bumblebee as classic VW Beetle, no Springer saying things like “I’ve got better things to do tonight than die”. Heck, the poor kids had no robots for half the film.

But they enjoyed themselves, and me, I can’t go home again. I love Transformers because they’re a part of my childhood, and while that childhood is far behind me, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the memories and the feelings again now that I’m an adult.

Hey, look at that. IDW have put out a Transformers comic today. Guess what I’ll be buying?

 

More Than Meets the Eye: My Childhood Love for Transformers

I’ve just been to see Transformers: Dark of the Moon. It’s a faintly bizarre experience; a serviceable 90-minute movie that unfortunately lasts for the best part of three hours, much of which doesn’t involve Transformers. In fact, that’s the problem with the whole Michael Bay live action trilogy – it’s not about the Transformers, it’s about robots that turn into cars occasionally while being bossed around by humans, mainly of whom may be CGI.

I’m biased, of course; I’ve been a Transformers fan since I was a kid. Back in the day you were either into Transformers or GI Joe (Action Force in the UK), and I was definitely the former. Don’t ask me why exactly; I don’t think it was anything more complicated that liking toy cars that turned into robots. Then they brought out dinosaurs that turned into robots!

So I owned Ratchet the ambulance, Bumblebee the Volkswagon Beetle, Metroplex the city complex, and Grimlock the T-rex. And I owned the hottest toy of 1984, Optimus Prime. It’s no wonder I turned out to be a big geek.

A lot of this traces back to the cartoon, which got right what Michael Bay got wrong – it focused on the Transformers and actually bothered to give them personalities; lightly sketched personalities, sure, but enough to make you love the characters: Optimus Prime was the noble leader, Starscream was a screeching schemer, Ironhide was a Texan hothead, the Dinobots were tough-but-dumb. There were human characters in the mix but the Transformers were the main event.

Then, in 1986, came Transformers: The Movie, the first film I went to see without my mom. I probably shouldn’t have, because Transformers: The Movie is traumatic. Let’s not kid ourselves, the cartoon was there to sell toys and, in order to launch a bunch of new toys, well, some of the old characters had to go. The movie saw a bunch of my favourites literally blown to pieces, while Optimus Prime’s crowning moment of awesome is quickly followed by his death. I watched it as a ten-year-old, jaw dropped in horror.

The soundtrack is awesome though.

I guess the Marvel UK Transformers series is also partly responsible for me liking superhero comics; the comics took the concept to new heights, fleshing out the characters and back story and making heroes out of characters who barely featured in the cartoon.

I guess all this is a symptom of my second childhood, and I’m actually okay with that. For all its flaws, the Transformers, in all their iterations, hold a special place in the hearts of a generation. Okay, so maybe that generation is simply made up of nostalgia junkies, but I can live with that.

Behind us in the cinema were a group of kids, and they didn’t hide their enthusiasm – they loved it, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. Dark of the Moon was the best they’re going to get, no Dinobots being awesome, no Bumblebee as classic VW Beetle, no Springer saying things like “I’ve got better things to do tonight than die”. Heck, the poor kids had no robots for half the film.

But they enjoyed themselves, and me, I can’t go home again. I love Transformers because they’re a part of my childhood, and while that childhood is far behind me, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the memories and the feelings again now that I’m an adult.

I might even go watch the cartoon again…

Someone has given Optimus Prime…

…a parking ticket.

For shame, New York. For shame.

 

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Writer’s Block: Neat, sweet, groovy songs

The soundtrack to the original animated Transformers movie.

I don’t know if this counts or not, as I suspect a lot of this is rose-tinted glasses, and at least some of it is due to my semi-permanent second childhood, but although I know, intellectually, that there are better songs than The Touch by Stan Bush, none of them ever quite achieve the same level of awesomeness. It’s not even my favourite song (which is a tie between Springsteen’s Thunder Road and the hymn Be Thou My Vision), but it inspires the most Tigger-like reaction.

Let’s put it this way – I’ve been at a birthday party where the DJ played The Touch, and a room full of twenty-thirty-something men suddenly all punched the air and started singing. It was like some sort of Tourettes. Some of us (and by that I basically mean me) started quoting the film’s dialogue that fitted around the song. It was a fantastic moment! And also a bit geeky. But mostly fantastic!

I also attribute the fact that my musical tastes tend towards the rockier end of the spectrum to the drumbeats that start the metal cover of the Transformers theme that plays under the film’s end titles. Somewhere in my wardrobe I have a distressed denim jacket with ‘LION‘ stitched on the back. The dot on the top of the i is an Autobot logo.

Rock. On.

The Geeks-pendables

So The Expendables has been released, featuring the greatest action movie cast ever assembled, as well as Charisma Carpenter from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Obviously this is the greatest movie ever made, and the only thing that could make it better was if it was set in space.

But wait, if it was set in space then it would become a sci-fi movie, and if that were the case you’d be looking for a whole new cast. You need people with experience in space acting, and the only place you’re going to find that is in the geek community. So, ladies and gentlemen, here are my initial ideas for casting the greatest geek movie ever.

First of all, you need representation from the classics. I immediately thought of Harrison Ford – after all, he’s played two of the greatest geek heroes of all time, in the form of Han Solo and Indiana Jones – but I’m never totally convinced he’s one of us, and frankly, if you’re making something like this, you want a cast that can have fun. At the same time, you need someone from Star Wars in there; the easy choice is Mark Hamill, but then it hit me.

Warwick Davis.

See, the great thing about the geek community is that a lot of our legends aren’t gazillion dollar stars; we could probably make this film on less than The Expendables spent on catering.

That said, we do have some big names. I have no idea what the plot of this thing would be, but I know it needs authority figures, mainly because they’ll be played by Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen and Christopher Lee.

This raises a dilemma. Does Patrick Stewart fulfill our quota of Star Trek actors, in which case we’d have to lose William Shatner? I can’t do it. I can’t cut Shatner. I think he might have to be a cameo though, because I’m not convinced he won’t take the mick.

Of course, taking the mick wouldn’t be a problem if I hadn’t already cast someone who’ll be doing that already. Step forward Bruce Campbell. If geeks had a leader, well… Hail to the king, baby!  Plus if Bruce is on board we could get Sam Raimi to direct.

Back to the classics – Doctor Who needs to be in there somewhere. I can’t decide whether that should be in the form of Matt Smith or David Tennant. I know Tom Baker is in the same cameo scene as Shatner, because they effectively share the same role in the psyche of UK and US geekdom respectively.

Brian Blessed gets to do whatever he wants in this. Sorry, did I say Brian Blessed? I meant BRIAN BLESSED!!!!

(He should also do a satnav voice)

Special effects will be by M5 Industries, because I love Mythbusters. They get a cameo too, probably blowing stuff up.

Richard Dean Anderson is in there because he’s MacGyver AND he’s in Stargate.

Peter Cullen is in there because he’s the voice of Optimus Prime. Adam Baldwin is in there because he’s Adam Baldwin.

Okay, who have I missed?