Muppets, Yoda, Nerd Rage and Adverts

I am once again experiencing Nerd Rage.

It started when I saw the latest Orange Wednesday advert. Some background if you’re not a regular cinema-goer – years ago, Orange started a series of adverts for their Orange Wednesday 2-for-1 cinema tickets initiative. The concept was that a recognisable-but-slightly-past-their-glory-days movies star would pitch a project to a panel of executives, who would then butcher it with their suggestions for Orange product placement. They were both advertising and a satire on advertising, and they were quite postmodern and funny. Roy Scheider, Patrick Swayze and well, Darth Vader all appeared in these, but the law of diminishing returns has kicked in, and now the opinion of my particular gang is that they peaked with Seagal.

However, recently they’ve been working less on actors and characters from the past, but tying in with current movie releases. And that’s where it gets grim.

See, it was sad to see them get involved with a kids film like Rio.

It was painful to see a part of Liam Neeson’s soul dying on a huge screen as he appeared in Orange’s spoof of The A-Team.

And now, most recently, the spark that lit a rage burning brighter and hotter than a thousand suns was Orange co-opting the Muppets.

I mean, it’s the Muppets. They’re awesome. The Muppets are a part of my childhood – they’re a part of everyone’s childhood, even if that’s technically impossible. They’re fun. They’re loveable. Their friends over on Sesame Street teach kids to read, for goodness sake. I have no rational argument for this, no ethically coherant reason for my anger, but seeing Kermit, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and Beaker being used to pimp text messages and mobile phones is just wrong. No, I can’t explain it; yes, it probably is hypocritical, so if it’s not wrong in absolute terms of good and evil, then at the very least it sucks.

And then, as if one mobile provider wasn’t doing enough to break my heart, Vodaphone released an advert featuring Yoda from Star Wars sitting in a restaurant and bantering about phones. This is where I really am hypocritical, because not only have Star Wars characters been in other adverts, but they also come from a series of movies that pretty much invented the concept of blockbuster marketing. Yoda has been an action figure, a back-pack and part of a duvet cover.

Now, a blog over at the site of the sci-fi magazine SFX puts forward an argument for characters like Yoda appearing in adverts, and again, I find it difficult to argue with it without revealing a Millennium Falcon-full of double standards. But I can’t help it, I saw that advert and shouted “No! No! No!” at the TV. Insane over-reaction in this age of war, famine and economic collapse, but there you go.

I don’t actually think the problem is with Jim Henson or Star Wars characters appearing in adverts. There’s a Volkswagon ad featuring a little boy dressed as Darth Vader and it’s great. No, I think the problem is with the individual characters used. See, in Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, Yoda had a particular role. He wasn’t a comedy character, who could therefore appear in a comedy advert. He wasn’t the Dark Lord of the Sith, who you’d expect to sell out to marketing executives. He was the wizard, the wise teacher, the magical one. The moment where Yoda levitates Luke Skywalker’s X-Wing Fighter is awesome, because it taps into fairy tales and myths and the wider Star Wars theme of the small and apparently insignificant being capable of great things. When Yoda dies in Return of the Jedi it’s a real tear-in-the-eye moment, and when he starts jumping around with a lightsaber in the prequel movies it’s disappointing because you want him to take down the bad guys in a cool and magical way. It’d be like watching Harry Potter shoot Voldemort in the head – shocking and yet somehow dull.

And the Muppets? Well, they were always a bit Let’s Do The Show Right Here! Now they get to do a show because they’ve accepted product placement, but it’s somehow wrong to see underdog Beaker with an advertising contract from a massive corporation.

I know, I know. I’ve already expanded far too much thought on this. There are better things to be concerned about. I know.

But it still sucks.

 

My Favourite Muppet (Thanks Jim Henson)

Had he not sadly passed away in 1990, Jim Henson, creator of the Muppets, would have turned 75 today. Given the impact the Muppets and their colleagues over on Sesame Street have had on generations of childten, it’s worth taking a moment to remember Jim and his legacy, so here’s a tribute to my favourite Muppet.

Step forward Beaker.

Back in the day, I’d've probably chosen Animal as my favourite, or maybe Gonzo. Over the years though, I’ve come to appreciate characters I can relate to, and while I struggle to say I can relate to Animal’s heavy metal anarchism or Gonzo’s chicken obsession, Beaker’s a different story.

For a start, the poor guy’s accident prone – he gets mutilated, savaged, electrocuted, and when things get really bad his head gets squashed into his neck. I can relate – maybe not with the head-squashing thing, but if there’s an opportunity to fall over, smack my head off a low beam, get stuck in a lift or be on a German plane when the pilot delivers an announcement including the word ‘kaput’, you can bet I’ll end up sacrificing my dignity in public. Same as poor old Beaker.

 

Then there’s music. Some people, like Pavarotti, can sing. Other people, like Bob Dylan, can’t sing but get hailed as a musical genius anyway. And then there are those of us, like myself and Beaker are doomed to have our musical talents forever forcibly hidden under a bushel. I do a unique version of Born to Run, Beaker participates in a singular rendition of Danny Boy, and maybe both of us will be recognised as legendary in a couple of hundred years or so. Until then, we remain unappreciated, outsider stars in the musical firmanent.

And then there’s communication. This is an area in which Beaker struggles, pretty much being limited to “meep”. I have a greater vocabulary than that, by at least fifteen words, but sometimes the words just don’t come out. I say “thingy” and “doohickey” more than the holder of an English degree should, and I’ll confess I’ve made the classic election/erection mix-up. Sometimes I think it would be easier if all I could say was meep.

So Beaker, you and I are brothers from another mother. But let’s not forget the man who brought you to a wider audience – you and Kermit and Fozzy and Big Bird; Bert and Ernie, Fraggles and Doozers, decades of fun, learning and frog-led anarchy.

Thank you Jim.

Some Joyful Musical Awesomeness for Thursday

I’m feeling a bit under the weather and need cheering up, so here’s some musical awesomeness to brighten up your day:

A unique cover of Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’ (starring Bill Bailey, who is a personification of joyful musical awesomeness…)

Musicians from around the world unite to sing ‘Stand By Me’.

You’ve seen this before, but how can you not love the Muppets singing ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’? (Also Ode to Joy.)

Dedicated to my friend Sudge and little baby Clark: Live orchestra playing the Superman theme…

…And for my lovely Helen, here’s Ella Fitzgerald singing a live version of Summertime in concert in Berlin.

The Hallelujah Chorus in a shopping mall…

And finally, A whole town sings American Pie. This is fantastic.

Hope you’re all singing!

Mad Scientists

Well, maybe not mad (you want mad, you want Walter Bishop from Fringe), but this week’s Straight Dope covers DARPA, the US Department of Defence’s R&D arm.  No idea is too crazy for these guys; sometimes it really pays off, especially the ARPANET (the proto-internet).

Of course, the Mad Scientist archetype is a fun one – it covers everyone from the Doctor to Lex Luthor to Doc Brown in Back to the Future. In real life it seems a bit of a cruel label to pin on people – scientists such as Nikola Tesla may have had their eccentricities, but let’s not dismiss them (although maybe Tesla’s idea for a death ray was a bit out-there). Then again, you get guys like Giovanni Aldini, whose experiments in pumping electricity into dead people may have been an inspiration for Frankenstein.

Possibly the king of mad scientists was Jack Parsons. By day, one of the founders of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory and a bona fide expert in rocketry. By night… Well, he was into black magic and summoning supernatural entities. His story also includes ‘Wickedest Man in the World’ Aleister Crowley and Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, and he accidentally blew himself up with chemicals he happened to have at home.

But let’s leave ourselves with a more positive depiction of the wonders of science, although with all this talk about mad scientists, we should remember their assistants. Often unfairly depicted as Igors, lab assistants have an heroic dedication to the cause, often in the face of exceptionally trying circumstances.

Or at least one does.